there was a trapeze. enough said
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
