i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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