Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
