i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
