So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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