I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
