I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
