you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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