I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
