After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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