drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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