Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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