it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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