I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
