i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
