Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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