Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
