If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize