well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
