if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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