She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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