terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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