I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
