Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
