you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
