I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
