When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
