I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
