Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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