you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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