So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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