Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
