Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
