remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
