you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
