I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
