I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
