I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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