i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize