My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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