I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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