70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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