I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
