I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize