life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
