woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
