This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
