he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize