My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize