Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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