the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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