tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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