omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
