You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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