clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
