she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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