Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The uberlube is also flammable
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
