youre lurking in front of me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
