it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
