he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
