Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
