shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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