also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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