he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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