If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize