you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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