we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
