Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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