Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
