On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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