I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
