You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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