I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
