Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
